I wrote of my own experience of letting go of major old negative energy patterns in the Soul Quisine magazine. It was a very challenging period of my life. There was little understanding or support for what was happening which made it more difficult. My intention in sharing this is that perhaps it might make it easier for others going through the same process. There is a clear purpose behind it. There can be a very positive outcome. The greater the challenge of the experience, the greater the potential of the positive outcome. I wish you well on your journey to growth and success.

Below is the first of the two part article.

A Journey Out of Depression – Part 1

After 20 years climbing the corporate ladder I was facing redundancy. I was being spat out and felt I had nowhere else to go. I had trained and focussed on succeeding in the corporate world and now I was being told I was no longer wanted. And what was worst, I felt I had failed and could not understand how to go about doing it differently. This left me feeling awfully stuck with few if any options. A deep depressing feeling set in that I had no way of shifting. It was a sort of numbness and fog that left me with little or no way of navigating anymore.

I was offered standard support but no one could understand nor help sort out what was going on. The assessment I got was – “you are intelligent enough so we cannot understand what the problem is”. What I found difficult to understand was the harder I tried at work, the worse it got. I was becoming increasing ineffective and inefficient. I was reading and endeavouring to apply all the latest business techniques, but they just made it more complicated. 

I was fit, playing team sport and mountain running. The trouble was, I was trying to run away from my issues.

Friends were supportive but also worried that I was being so useless. All I needed to do was pull myself together and get another job. The trouble was, I had no energy or self-belief to pull in another job. I got some consulting work but not enough to support us. The effect on the family was huge and I was fortunate to have a supportive partner and wife.

And so started a long and inefficient climb out of oblivion.

I was being challenged to evaluate everything I lived by. All my beliefs and principles I based my life on were being seriously challenged. I had no idea this was a key part of the process. I found a book by chance called ‘Conversations With God” by Neale Donald Walsch. It took me 9 months to read the first book. I could only read a couple of pages at a time as it was so challenging, turning everything upside down. I distinctly remember the piece from page 44 “If you don’t go within, you go without”. It took me a long time to appreciate the significance of this.

And so I embarked a series of disjointed workshops and processes to address the feeling of being stuck, depressed and numb. I tried everything from Reiki, rebirthing, deep tissue massage to weekend courses involving meditation. 

I started to go through some major energy shifts that were very scary at about this point. I would have huge surges in energy that sweep through my body and induced a sense of panic, as I had no idea of what was occurring and no one could explain them. The people I was doing the processes with were meant to be the gurus and they had no idea of what was occurring, so this just made it scarier. There was one memorable occasion at breakfast time when the energy built to the point I had to get outside. So I ended up staggering around the back lawn holding my head and clutching the clothesline pole to stay upright. I remember thinking “I hope the neighbours cannot see this or someone will ring for the guys in white coats!” It was pretty alarming for my family. I felt like I was losing my mind and I was. I had get out of my mind and start to get into my feelings.

I had trained for so long about dealing in facts, setting goals and objectives, with no connection to my feelings. I had gotten seriously out of balance.

Some years earlier my father had died of a heart attack aged 51 and I vowed I would do it differently. I had no idea what this clear intention would line up for me. Then my younger brother died in a plane crash and I had to bring him home after trying to identify what was left of him. I distinctly remember presenting board papers to my directors shortly after and struggling to take it seriously. And so my priorities were seriously challenged but I soldiered on as I felt I had no option. We moved to the Middle East for 6 years. I got the chance to get to know people from many different cultures and they shared their values and beliefs. It struck me that there were about 5 common ideas shared by all the religions, but everyone thought theirs was different and the best. Being a marketing person, I took the view that religion was the first branding marketing exercise and it was all about market share.  It was about 10 years after this that it all came to a grinding halt.

The problem was this – because I shut down to my feelings, the nudgings I was getting to change were ignored or went unnoticed. And so it took getting seriously stuck and redundancy to get my attention. A bit like a sledge hammer blow because I had ignored the taps on the shoulder. And then the shift required was a big one, as against smaller gradual steps. I realised that I had been given a choice at each critical point.

So I went through a series of major energy reactivations. The physical effect of these were massive. Basically every cell in my body went through a huge energetic shift, releasing long held negative energy and an influx of positive energy. The surges of energy through the legs, spine and head were major and very disconcerting for a start.

About this time I came across the channelled writings from Ronna Herman in the USA. She was bringing through the teachings of Archangel Michael. I had no idea who this was, but what was being talked about explained what I was going through. It was the first time there was an explanation of what was occurring. I have now followed these monthly newsletters for 10 years.

What I came to understand is that there is an energy stream that underpins all life and we are a unique individual expression of this stream. If we hold ideas that are unlike this amazing energy stream, then we block it and we feel awful. If we let it flow, we feel wonderful.

To be continued