The wisdom and unique talents of children never cease to amaze me. As an adult it is very easy to dismiss children as inexperienced and lacking the skills to make decisions for themselves. As adults we have a key role to nurture our children, keeping them safe and providing a supportive environment for them to grow into adulthood.
Listening to a radio interview recently I heard a wonderful piece of advice from a mother talking of her antenatal training experience and the one piece of advice that has stayed with her – ‘up to 1 years old our children are completely dependent on us, and each year after that up to the age of 20 years we need to let them go until they are completely independent’.
I would like to share with you a couple ideas from what I have come to understand and use in the CG&A coaching programmes. Perhaps they may provide another perspective of children, allowing you to better understand them, better understand yourself and hopefully be a better parent.
The children being born into the world now come with an awareness and abilities that most of us older generation have lost touch with. Where we allowed ourselves to become somewhat disconnected with these talents we were born with, these children are very determined to retain and use them. And so, when others around them encourage them to repeat their way of doing things, they are often very resistant and let us know. We often interpret this as ‘undesirable behaviour’.
Every one of us is uniquely different. We are an individual expression of the amazing universal energy that runs everything. As Neale Donald Walsh stated – we are a Singular Outflow of Universal Life. If you use this as an anagram you get SOUL.
The significance of this is quite profound for each of our children and us in particular.
This Universal energy runs through us and supports us. It is pure positive creative energy and when we line up with it we feel great. When we get out of alignment and resist it we feel awful. It is a simple on-off process, and we sense it as energy-in-motion or e-motion. Our children are particularly sensitive to it and cannot ignore it. Most of us adults have gotten use to ignoring it by dampening down our feelings – there are lots of ways to do this, just look at some of the compulsive habits people have.
Each of us is a unique expression of this energy and hence how we line up with energy is uniquely individual as well. This is where the confusion begins. As adults we observe something or hold an idea, and it feels good to us. We then try to apply this to others and especially our children. Because they are uniquely different to us it will not line up the same way for them. This does not mean it is right or wrong – it is simply different.
The potential from this is each child has unique abilities and talents that the world needs. If they can be encouraged to follow what feels good to them, they will be able to create for themselves an amazing life.
This is the potential for each one of us. We just need to understand we were born with this individual uniqueness and have an inbuilt guidance system called our feelings or emotions that will let us know whether we are heading towards what is best for us or away. It is a bit like the ‘hot-cold’ game played with children. Something desirable is hidden and somebody tells them whether they are moving towards it or away from it by using the description of getting hotter or colder. Another analogy is a GPS system – it knows where you are and you tell it where you want to get to. It then plots the best and smartest route to get you there. You have the choice as to whether you listen and follow the suggested route or not. You are in charge through the choices you make.
Our children are keenly aware of this guidance system and are unable to ignore it. They are much more sensitive to it and have a very strong desire to be allowed to use it. This means they want the freedom to choose what feels best to them.
As adults one of the easiest ways to encourage their development and use of their guidance system is to give them choices. This allows them some freedom to choose and use their guidance system. Another way to encourage them is to use the words “you know what is best for you, you choose”.
If you will do this, you will be giving your child the greatest gift – the ability to confidently find their own way in the world and create a wonderful life for themselves and others. In this age of increasing information and contrast, this self-guidance system is becoming more and more critical to understand and use. The intelligence and power behind it is unlimited. Our children need to understand and use it positively for their greatest benefit and the good of all.
They look to us to demonstrate it.
Go well,
Craig